Better Day

I love calling my parents! Now being away from them I have started respecting them a whole lot more. I don't think anyone really knows how much they truly miss their parents are till they leave home!  So last night a couple of friends and I helped out at the Day of Silence Hug thing. I actually had a pretty good time. I have also came to realization that God is the only person that is truly on my side 24/7! I maybe confused, frustrated, lonely and very annoyed but God won't leave me....he won't abandon me! I realize I have a focus on myself all the time...I need to focus on how great and awesome God is and forget about myself some! 

Rough Week.

Lately I have had the feeling of confusion and wanting to giving up. I wanted to give up in school, I am confused and frustrated in my faith, my major, guys.....whole other discussion, I miss my family and friends back home. Also I have NO clue what I should do this summer. I am overwhelmed and going in a downward spiral. I am suppose to be in my Senior year of college. When I was going to IVCC, I gave up, struggled, didn't do any homework, didn't have a set major and I was there for 2 years. I was a procrastinator and enjoyed the freedom it gave me being in college. Now I am currently a sophomore in college. Frustration in my faith is mostly about the fact I wasn't raised in an Assembly's of God church. I was raised for 19- 20 yrs in a regular Christian church. It was called Kasbeer Community Church. I went through all of the Sunday school classes, went through a testing class on the Bible, was a Sunday school teacher and even attended and taught VBS. During the summers there was this Christian organization called Kids Klub. I attended and even lead as the director. I then started attending a Assembly's of God church with my family. I never had experienced some of things people in the Assembly of God faith. I was then introduced to attend School of Urban Missions in Urbana, IL. Here at the school I have been strugglin' with the Assembly's of God faith. I am confused about speaking in a prayer language. My whole life I was taught that only some people got it as one of their gifts from God. That that wasn't something I was not gonna have. I've always followed my parents faith because that was the only thing I ever knew. I am beginning to find my FAITH, what I believe. My major, my call to life, is Global Missions. I have gone on a bunch of different mission's trip in my life and I have a heart to help others.  I was strugglin' in my major this week. I was like am I doing what God wants me to do? Am I in the right place for school? Am I doing his Glory? I had a long long talk with my parents about this when I went home a few weeks ago and that helped. My cohort director Adam Sikorski is one awesome dude, and I sat down and talked to him about all of this. He helped me understand that others are also strugglin' with this and I am not alone. Ryan O'Connell and Zachary Verbracken my buddies have also help me with this. It's hard to know what you wanna do when you like a lot of what you are doing. What is pretty cool about Biblical Studies is the fact that you can change it up if you want because you take a lot of the same classes. This year I also had the opportunity to go to the SUM Mardi Gras Outreach. This push a lot of my buttons because I had never went out and evangelized like this before. My leaders David Carranza and Leilani Hernandez were awesome and helped us with our struggles. I struggled when I got to New Orleans but by the 3rd day I was better. Guys.......how about staying single for the rest of my life?! lol  I am really missing my family and friends back home. This is the first time I have been away from home as in living. I miss not being told what to do. lol Right now I am living with "house parents" and we don't see eye to eye about things and its been a small struggle. I have been working on that though. It's also hard because I don't see my sisters and brother all the time and don't know what their up to. I'm sad because I am going to miss my sister Courtney's high school graduation in May. I really miss my friends! I have no clue what's up with them anymore. Miss you guys! This summer I have been frustrated with the fact that I have no clue what to do or if what I have planned I should do. In May, I am going to London and Paris because well it's paid for and I have wanted to go for years. In June, I am thinking about going to Oakland, California. I don't know if I am going or what not because I don't wanna be alone. The rest of the summer IDK. Lord help me. I am the type of person that likes to be organized.    
These are just a few things I have been struggling with lately!